Mental health, and Masking

So. It turns out, for the past few decades, I’ve become quite the expert in masking and successfully playing the character of a woman who has her sh#t together. On the outside, everything looked fine. I had professional jobs, a fun and active social life, strong relationships, and the ever-trending appearance of ‘being balanced’.

For the most part, I had the composure of someone who knew exactly what she was doing. But underneath, I was struggling, even lying to the people I love the most.

If you’re unfamiliar with the term, ‘masking’ is a coping mechanism that many of us use to hide our mental health battles from the world. It’s pretending everything is okay when, in reality, it feels like we’re holding it all together by a thread. It’s common, and its bloody exhausting.

For years, I believed it was the only way to survive and while I supported others to reduce their own shame and stigma around depression and anxiety, I hypocritically harboured mine. I became an expert at burying emotions and lying, convinced I needed to fit the mould of a “strong” woman - resilient, and perfectly composed. Especially if people are seeing me as a Coach to work through their own issues!

 A few years ago the cracks in the mask began to show. My mental health deteriorated and there were days when the effort of pretending was so intense, I couldn’t function properly. That’s when I realised: masking isn’t a solution, it’s a barrier to healing.

I put on my big-girl pants and asked for help. Opening up about this struggle has been one of the hardest things I’ve done. It was uncomfortable being so vulnerable, even though I know the importance of embracing the raw, unpolished parts of myself is where true strength lies.

If you’re reading this and you too have spent years masking your struggles, I want you to know that it’s okay to not have it all together. It’s okay to be honest about your challenges. Healing begins when we allow ourselves to be seen for who we truly are.

My experiences have deepened my empathy and compassion in my work. If you feel it’s time to stop playing a character and start being real (with yourself and others), my Therapeutic Coaching practice can support you.