B is for balance (and for bullsh!t)

We've been sold the idea of the "well-balanced life" for far too long, and today, I’m calling BS on it. It reeks of privilege, and it’s high time we rethink it.

Selling balance as the ultimate lifestyle goal places the burden on the individual to give equal attention to every aspect of their life, like it’s a simple, self-care fix that’ll give us the R&R we all deserve. But here’s the thing: we’re not always in control. Our mental and physical health, relationships, work options, finances, and personal values are all shaped by social structures that determine what (and who) we have access to.

When I talk about culture needing balance, I’m not just referring to individual choices. I’m talking about the systems that shape our lives—the economic forces, societal pressures, and the unequal distribution of resources that limit what we can achieve, where we can live, and who we can become. The scales are tipped in favor of some, leaving the rest of us scrambling to even get a seat at the table.

People’s lives don’t need “balancing”—our culture does.

Wellness culture would have you believe that choosing hand-crafted granola over Coco-Pops will somehow bring balance to your “hectic modern life.” Spoiler alert: it won’t.

There are much larger forces at play here. You can’t balance out unequal pay with a handstand on the beach at sunset. You can’t balance unaffordable housing with growing herbs on your windowsill. You can’t balance a five-day workweek with a Snapchat to your niece. And you can’t balance out family violence with a hot bath and a cup of tea.

I know this because I’ve tried it all. I’ve spent years trying to “balance” my life by managing my time, doing all the right things, ticking all the boxes—and still feeling like I was barely holding it together. But what I came to realize is that the problem wasn’t me—it was the system that demands I “balance” an impossible set of expectations while pretending everything is fine. It wasn’t until I started questioning the idea of balance itself that I began to understand: real wellbeing doesn’t come from trying to make everything equal—it comes from addressing the larger forces that shape our reality.

Self-care isn’t just about candles and green smoothies—it’s political warfare. "Balance" is a luxury most of us can't afford. What we need isn’t more pressure to “do it all”—we need a shift in how we approach wellbeing and what it means to live a fulfilled life.

Maybe it's time we stopped pretending we can balance it all, and started building systems that support all of us.

Because the truth is: "balance" isn’t the goal. Compassion, equality, and collective care are.

'Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare. ‘

- Audrey Lorde, American writer, feminist, womanist, librarian, and civil rights activist.